Testimonies (spreading the good news)

One Saturday my pastor, pastor Joshua, read a scripture (revelations 12:11) and it talked about how "they overcame the enemy by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony." This means to me that we overcome the plans of the enemy by the blood that Jesus shed for us on the cross, and the things that he has delivered us from. We talked about how we take the glory from God when we don't go out telling people what God has done for us and what he has delivered us from. This got me thinking about all the things that God has done for me in my life, and who I've told about what he has done. I haven't told anyone about what he has done because i was ashamed of the things that i used to do, and i placed how people saw me on a higher pedestal then i placed God. So people were my idol god. So i felt that my first blog should be my testimony. Hopefully it will touch hearts, help people realize that they are not alone, and give others the courage to tell their testimony because you never know who you can save because of your testimony.

Weed and Alcohol

Weed and alcohol were big parts in my life. I started smoking weed when i was eleven. It started out as a pressure thing. I wanted to be like all of my friends. I felt like i had to be like them to hang with them. When I knew that i didn't feel right doing it or being around it, i did it anyways because they were doing it. It was crazy because i thought i would just do it every once in a while, and the devil used that door to lead me to addiction. Before i know it i was smoking weed everyday. It got so bad to the point where i would take the lunch money my mom would give me, save it up, and use it to buy weed. No matter how bad i felt about using her, i felt like i needed that high in order to feel good. I realized the impact that weed had on my life. My grades began to fall, i became more rebellious, i began to get in more trouble at school, i always talked down about myself, i talked about other people so they can feel how i felt, my whole personality just turned around completely. I always tried my best to get back to that initial high, but i never could, and when i came back down my problems were still there waiting for me to deal with them. My weed addiction led to the use of alcohol in my life. Usually when we were smoking my friends would bring a couple drinks also, but i always say no to them. Then one day i tried some alcohol, and my flesh liked the combination of the weed and the alcohol. So i continued to drink and drink. I thought i was the coolest in the world because i could hold a lot of liquor not knowing that it could kill my insides. I used to get so drunk to the point where i wouldn't remember anything that happened that night. Even though i never passed out, I would always black out and not remember anything. My friends would come up to me the next day telling me about all the things i did ,and how fun it was, but i wouldn't remember nothing they were saying. This also began to effect my academics. Even when i moved from my friends that i started with i found new friends who smoked and drank and i would be with them all the time. God began healing my body and delivering me from addiction to weed and alcohol around September of 2009. He just began to slowly pull me away from the people who i thought were my friends. He moved me the first time because he wanted me to realize what i was doing, but i still ran back to weed and alcohol. So he was faithful and did it a second time, and this time i realized what i was doing to myself as well as the people around me. As he was removing people, I began to get tired of drinking and smoking all the time. I would get tired of being around it, and the people who had it. Without God's hand in my life who knows where i would be, or doing just to cator to that addiction.

Sexual Immorality

One of the biggest things i dealt with when i was in the world was being addicted to sex, and sexual immorality. I always had a girlfriend, and a couple friends on the side. After me and a girl would break up i would be sure to stay friends with them so that we could keep in touch, and get together whenever I wanted to. I always knew how to get the girl in the bed. I guess you could say i had a way with words. Most of the relationships i was in ended in sex, or sexual activities. Even though i wouldn't brag about it, my head was still big because of how many girls i would juggle at one time. Then there this one time with this girl, we were having sex, and a couple weeks later she told me that she thought she was pregnant because she was late. My heart started pounding, and i started to think about if i was truly ready to be a father. She took the test and it came back negative. God allowed this situation to happen, so that my eyes could be open to what i was doing and the consequences that could take place if i continued with my actions. This is when i decided to give it up and not keep having sex. I knew that if i continued then it probably would've happened again, and it could have been positive.

Self Mutilation

This picture explains what i used to do. Self mutilating was one of the ways that i thought would control my anger, and get rid of my problems. A lot of the time i would do it because i put to much on myself. I would always take on the problems of my friends, and family and i would blame myself for what they were going through, or i would beat myself up because i couldn't do anything to help them. I felt like i had to help everyone that came to me with their problems, and if i couldn't then it would be my fault that they were sad. Another reason is that I would try to live up to other peoples expectations of me instead of living to please myself, and if i couldn't meet the expectations i would be mad at myself, but i continued to try because i wanted to be accepted by everyone. God delivered me from this when one day i found out that one of my friends do it, and i told them that they were stupid for doing it. Then i realized that i was doing the same thing. He taught me how to examine myself and make sure that I'm leading by example before i try to help someone else out. Now i worry more about my problems before other peoples, and i try not to take their problems on as my own. I still find myself doing it, then i remember what he has delivered me from, and just let it go and let God deal with it.